Of weddings and bail money

October 16, 2009

Phil Riddle, Democrat Editor

Anonymous The Weatherford Democrat Fri Oct 16, 2009, 03:22 PM CDT

editor@weatherforddemocrat.com

Memorable mistakes happen at almost every wedding.

The ring bearer’s tux is too large, the maid of honor’s shoes are the wrong color, the videographer shows up drunk, the mother of the bride gets too close to the candles on the altar and singes her dress.

These wedding day faux pas are the staples of video blooper shows and give the participants something to talk and laugh about through their respective silver anniversaries.

But, even if the best man drops the preacher’s digital camera into the punch bowl, most brides and grooms will have a better memory of the beginning of their life of wedded bliss than a recently married Tennessee couple.

According to the Associated Press, Brian Dykes and Mindy McGhee exchanged vows at the Angel’s View Wedding Chapel at the Black Bear Ridge Resort in Sevierville.

The couple also secured a cabin at the resort for their honeymoon.

But, unlike most normal newly married couples, they decided against usual wedding night activities at said cabin and set about planning a robbery.

What an interesting conversation that would have been.

“That was quite a ceremony, honey,” Brian might have said to his new bride, taking off his camouflage cummerbund.

“It sure was, darlin’,” she giggled, hugging her man. “I especially like the Dolly Parton look-alike lip-synching ‘I will always love you.’ I’m just happier ‘n a pig in slop.”

“You know what I’d like to do now?” her husband asked suggestively.

“I’ll bet I do,” she blushed.

“I think we should go back to the chapel where we promised to love, honor and cherish each other, and see if we can jimmy open the office door and steal their money,” he said.

Mindy was probably thrown off by the suggestion, but being a good southern wife, she supported her husband.

“What a good idea,” she said. “That way we’ll have enough money to pay for the cabin an extra day, get the NASCAR race on pay-per-view and have breakfast at the Casa de Pancakes. I love their grits ‘n’ gravy.”

The Sevier County Sheriff reported an employee saw the newlyweds’ car parked outside the chapel about 1 a.m. and a lockbox with cash was missing.

Busted.

Instead of a night filled with whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears, talk of children and a dream home, of hopes and aspirations, the pair are, instead, worrying about getting a lawyer and raising bail money.

Deputies arrested the new Mr. and Mrs. Dykes at a nearby restaurant, probably the Casa de Pancakes, where they confessed to swiping $500 from the chapel over grits ‘n’ gravy.

The newlyweds turned the money over to the authorities and are being held on bonds of $10,000 each.

Wonder what they’ll do for their first anniversary, knock over a liquor store?

Text Only

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