Hark the Herald Angel moments

Farm & Ranch

January 18, 2010

Baxter Black, Syndicated Columnist

Anonymous The Weatherford Democrat Mon Jan 18, 2010, 02:12 PM CST

There is a frequently told story by cowmen and veterinarians since herdsmen discovered fire. As I listened to a Georgia farmer recount his own personal version, I found myself imagining how the cow would feel?

“I was grazing down by the creek. Something I do every day, I think? My short term memory is going. I know I have calves. I’m not sure how many, but who keeps count. I guess they grow inside me. Maybe I eat something, or an insect bites me or it has something to do with the moon? Anyway…where was I?”

The event down by the creek.

“Oh, yeah, I was grazing down by the creek. Ya know I do have a childhood memory. It was very dark and snug. I was in my sleeping bag. It was squeezing me! I don’t know how long it lasted. I don’t know how long is long?

“Then a hand gripped me! I remember a shiny bracelet which came tight, nearly pulled my front legs out of their socket! And then I burst into the light! I never thought about eyes….or seeing. Maybe I thought I was a star-nosed mole or a potato? But the light was overwhelming! I had one of those “Hark the Herald Angel” moments!”

Back to the creek.

“What creek?”

Where you had the event.

“What event?”

The one down by the creek.

“Oh, that one. Well, I was grazing and began to feel a little acid reflux…then I realized cows can’t get acid reflux, they wouldn’t know it the way they regurgitate all those cuds all the time.

Anyway…where was I?”

Down by the creek.

“Yes. I had terrible stomach pains, a shortness of breath, then I slipped on the bank and went down! Next thing I remember the two-leg-ged, ball-faced upright giant frog walkers who come and disturb us now and then, were manhandling me! One had a big rubber tube and he was forcing it down my throat! It was dark. I felt dizzy. I couldn’t see! I thought I was back in my sleeping bag!

“I couldn’t understand their frog talk but one was bawling and hollering and suddenly the other one’s five-fingers front leg caught on fire! There was a terrible explosion! I imagined I was a dragon or an F-16 or an industrial strength weed burner! The sky lit up!

“And that’s all I remember, my second Hark the Herald Angels moment. That, and the bawling frog walker baptizing himself in the creek!”

u

Black may be reached at e-mail coyotecowboy@theriver.com.

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