Viewpoints
Florida man sells ghosts in bottles
Phil Riddle, Democrat Editor
Have an extra $20 laying around?
If you answered yes, you might consider buying a Ghost in a Bottle.
That’s right, an entrepreneur in St. Augustine, Fla., is marketing bottles with actual ghosts stuffed in ’em.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking how do you know there’s a ghost inside that bottle?
Rest easy, nobody’s getting scammed here, the bottle, with a picture of a real ghost on the label, comes with a certificate of authenticity. That means it’s gotta be real.
Seriously, anyone who falls for this Ghostbusters marketing ploy needs a long vacation or stronger medication.
But, customers are out there.
Among those who wasted enough money to buy five gallons of unleaded gas are Faye, of Las Vegas, who not only threw away $20, she wrote a testimonial about the quality of the purchase, according to the product’s Web site.
“I purchased one of your ghost bottles for my son’s birthday,” Faye wrote. “After a couple of weeks we finally got our nerve up and opened the bottle. Me nor my son saw anything come out. (There’s a shock.) Two nights later my son woke me and my husband up at 3:11 a.m., weeping about hearing noises in his room. This has been going on for weeks and lately my husband and I have been missing items.”
Really, Faye. You think just because you opened some scam artist’s product in the same two-week period you lost the TV remote and your husband’s wedding ring, there’s a ghost in your house.
Do a quick check. Look under the cushions of the couch and see if the remote is there, and look in the glove compartment of your husband’s car for the ring. It’s wrapped in a napkin from the bar he stopped at Friday on the way home from work.
Note to Faye: It wasn’t a being from another dimension, you just lose stuff.
As for your kid crying: He was upset you spent his birthday money on a lame gift. He thought you’d learned when you got him a Billy Bass last year.
The Web site for Ghost in a Bottle lists several warnings in case your bottle is broken or accidentally opened.
“You may hear a voice out of nowhere.”
More than likely, if you bought one of these things, you’ve been hearing voices for a while.
“You may notice an unfamiliar smell of perfume or cologne.”
Again, that may be due to hubby’s trip to the bar.
“Phone calls.”
Great. Now I have to hear, “Hi, my name is Casper. Are you happy with your long-distance service?”
“Small items may have been moved.”
Don’t blame ghosts for your own absent-mindedness. It may have been bottled spirits, but it wasn’t spirits in a bottle that put your car keys in the refrigerator.
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