Welcome to Washington, Mr. President. Here’s your mop

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September 24, 2008

Chelsea McGowan, Democrat staff writer

Anonymous The Weatherford Democrat Wed Sep 24, 2008, 08:57 AM CDT

The differences that separate the two major party candidates for the presidency are many. Policy, age, issues, experience, beliefs ... the men are clearly vastly dissimilar political horses. I’m beginning to think, though, that Sen. John McCain and Sen. Barack Obama have one key trait in common.

They’re both out of their minds.

How do I know this?

Because they both still want to be president of the United States.

Oh, I know, I know. They want to “serve our country.” They “have what it takes” to “bring reform.” Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I believe the reality of the situation is becoming abundantly clear. These two strong, intelligent, well-meaning politicians lost their minds, and in doing so, decided the best way to “make a difference” in the world was to apply for a job as the world’s most high-profile janitor.

I mean, think about it. There aren’t very many pluses to taking the job, but there are a whole lot of minuses. Sure, you get a fancy house, but it will be crawling with reporters who are just itching to get a picture of you in an embarrassing position. Sure, you’ll be the leader of the nation’s politicians, but they will fight you every step of the way. Sure, you’ll get to meet loads of important people, but approximately half of them will secretly want to blow you up.

It’s a constant job, a brutal job, a somewhat thankless job with an unsettling mortality rate. While it may have been a few decades since one of our presidents was assassinated, I think looking at pictures of George W. Bush’s deterioration over the last eight years is argument enough that taking the job isn’t a health-conscious decision.

Our nation, right now, is kind of a mess. And by “kind of,” I mean the world should collectively be calling for “cleanup on aisle North America.” Whoever is elected president, God bless them, will essentially be the janitor for this jelly-splatter of epic proportions.

Let’s take a look at few of the aspects of our current spilled milk situation: An economy staring bleakly into the empty eye sockets of the Death Head of collapse. A war that only half the country supports, but in which we are far too entrenched to just leave. A crisis of morality spurring higher crime rates and religious skirmishes. Near-constant devastation from nature, dampening the spirit of the American people. The deification of Paris Hilton. The advancement of Crocs as acceptable footwear. Yes, these are indeed troubling times in our nation.

And someone is fighting, scraping, begging to be the cleanup guy. No, make that two someones. It’s a dream job.

Welcome to Washington, Mr. President. Here’s your mop.

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Welcome to Washington, Mr. President. Here’s your mop

Chelsea McGowan, Democrat staff writer

Ten states (and more are expected) were granted leeway on No Child Left Behind standards for math and language testing scores. Is that OK?

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