Phil Riddle
Weatherford Democrat
WEATHERFORD — The bad guys on TV and in the movies are always looking to steal valuables from unsuspecting victims. That’s just what they do.
But the difference between the scripted villains and real-life crooks apparently revolves around basic intelligence.
Movie heists usually involve small items like diamonds, bearer bonds or rare artwork. Things you could slip into the pocket of a tuxedo jacket or a large briefcase.
And if the target is bigger, say, for instance collector cars, massive amounts of money or gold bullion, then an intricate plan is put into motion involving transportation, explosives and lots of witty banter to cut down on the chances of being caught.
A real life criminal in Alaska should have taken that criteria into consideration when she tried to swipe a television from a Fairbanks electronics store.
Police told the Associated Press a woman left the store carrying a TV she hadn’t paid for.
Mistake No. 1.
It’s not a pair of sunglasses or a Hershey bar. A box holding even a small TV would arouse suspicion from loss prevention types and usually set off an alarm at the door.
Mistake No. 2.
She didn’t bring a getaway car.
That’s right, when she bolted the retail establishment, she hopped in a taxi to make her escape.
“Get me to 123 Maple Ave.,” she must have shrieked when bounding into the cab with her hot merchandise. “And step on it.” I guess she DID get that part from the movies.
Whereupon, the cab driver, who, according to federal statutes, is only allowed the speak English as a second language, looked at her like a baboon doing calculus and she was nailed.
The woman was charged with second-degree felony robbery and misdemeanor theft in the incident.
There’s more.
The crook had posted bail just a week before for committing the identical crime.
Isn’t that the textbook definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?
Court records show the woman was arrested late last year after going into a Sam’s Club on two different occasions and reportedly pilfering $6,000 worth of TVs and jamming them into a cab.
I must admit, she has gall to even TRY to steal $6,000 worth of televisions. That would take several trips and possibly some help.
But, alas, as in the latter case, she was snagged by coppers.
I am certainly not a fan of thieves, but I will say if our Alaskan heroine plans on making crime her career, she really needs to get a car.
