Why did the elephant cross the road?

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November 20, 2009

Phil Riddle, Democrat Editor

Anonymous The Weatherford Democrat Fri Nov 20, 2009, 02:37 PM CST

Phil Riddle

editor@weatherforddemocrat.com

It was long after dark on Interstate 20 between Abilene and Weatherford several years ago.

My son was nearing sleep in the passenger seat and I was listening to the radio when, in an instant, a deer bolted from the brush on the driver’s side of the car and dashed toward the middle of the road.

With visions of Honda-killed venison on my brain, I had virtually no time to attempt to avoid the collision.

But, apparently the deer had chosen me because my car was small.

In an eye blink, the doe had effortlessly hopped over my little import and left me gasping for breath with my heart in my throat.

Maybe this deer could do a little training of his animal compatriots.

It seems an Oklahoma couple coming home from church recently hit an animal with their SUV.

No, it wasn’t a deer. That would be understandable.

Not a cat, dog, skunk, armadillo or cow either.

It was an elephant.

Nope. Not kidding.

According to an Associated Press story the pachyderm escaped from a circus, which was performing nearby, onto a rural road near Enid.

There is apparently no truth to the rumor he was hitch-hiking to West Texas peanut fields.

Seriously, if you were stuck in a traveling circus in Oklahoma, wouldn’t you consider throwing yourself in front of a moving vehicle?

Police responding to the accident said the elephant suffered an injured leg and a broken tusk, but was not seriously hurt. Neither of the SUV passengers were injured, but the animal’s tusk ripped a hole in the sheet metal skin of the vehicle.

I wonder about the driver. How slow would your reflexes have have to be to hit an elephant?

It’s not like a squirrel darted into the street in front of you.

I really, REALLY wish I’d heard the phone call from the driver to his insurance agent.

“I need to report an accident.”

“Yes, sir. Tell me what happened.”

“Well, me ‘n’ the missus were headin’ home from Sunday services when an elephant just shot out in the road in front of us. I just didn’t see him in time and I run over him.”

“Excuse me, sir, did you say ‘elephant?’”

“Yep. Ran right out in the road.”

Whereupon the agent processing the claim immediately put the call on speaker, so the rest of the office could hear. Those kinds of calls are great for office morale.

“Sir, have you ever hit an elephant before?”

“No. Run over an armadillo once. Made a heck of a mess, but didn’t tear up my car like the elephant did.”

“It says here you have a discount for not drinking, are you still eligible for that discount?”

I hope that circus has improved its security.

I’d hate to get into a wreck with a bear on a unicycle or a Volkswagen full of clowns.

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The Komen Foundation recently cut ties (before announcing they would reinstate them) with Planned Parenthood and stopped funding breast cancer screenings — was that a good thing?

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